My Roundabout way of approaching life....

So the other day, while driving home from having dinner with friend, I noticed quite a bit of traffic as I was approaching the exit just before mine on the interstate. I decided to get off on an earlier exit to avoid all the traffic. As I began taking my roundabout way home, I started to think, "Wow you dingbat....why are you taking this ridiculously out of the way route home...Needless to say, there were so many other route options that would have gotten me home alot faster, but I took the "Danielle the forever daydreaming and not paying attention" route home.

As I was driving through this rather sketchy looking neighborhood, I came upon a dead end and found a purpose in my roundabout way home. There was this older lady just sitting in her car at the dead end with this rather puzzled look on her face. I rolled down the window and said "Ma'm are you okay?" She replied, "I'm lost can you tell me how to get to the street Lonely Oak". I said sure and began giving her directions...The more I talked, the more confused she looked. When I noticed this, I decided to just show her how to get there. As I showed her the way to Lonely Oak, which was completely out of my way home, I thought to myself...well, here it is...the reason for my dead end, roundabout way home.

I often times think about all the brick walls and dead ends that I've run into while charted my course toward various life goals. I find myself wondering why I took such roundabout routes to get to certain points, when there always existed a much faster, easier route.

Why did I do two separate masters programs back to back when the school offerred a joint program in which I could have knocked them out simulatneously? Why did I spend 6 years working in various fields before deciding to return to the initial mental health trajectory that I was intersted in and majored in in college?

Why does it take me years to notice things sitting right in front my face? Why do I always fall in love with someone when it's too late...when it's really over? Why do I get lonely when there's people to hang out with and tons of places to go?

Why do I wait til' the last minute to do everything, which further complicates my life? Why am I always late for everything? Why is my life so chaotic?

I wonder what it would feel like if things were organized...if things ran smoothly...if things fell into place...

But I guess they do...in my roundabout sort of way.

I'm thinking maybe...

I'm thinking maybe if I would've made some better choices in my life, things would be alot different. Maybe if I would have just considered other people's feelings rather than allowing their feelings to guide my actions, I might be happier with the choices I made for myself. Maybe if I would've gone straight to graduate school for what I was really interested in, I'd be happier with my career trajectory. Maybe if I would've had a clue back then...Maybe if I never would've met you, I'd be better off...Maybe if I would've listened to my mind instead of my heart I would not have been so heart broken. Maybe if I would've taken you seriously, we'd still atleast be friends. And maybe if I did our friendship would've never ended in such hatred. Maybe if I would've given someone a chance...maybe...Maybe if I would just give you another chance, you'd get it right this time. Maybe if I didn't over think everything, maybe I could just live my life. Maybe if I wasn't always busy being there for you, I could have found time for myself. Maybe if you could be half the friend to me that I am to you, I might feel like I'm of some value to you. Maybe if you didn't only call me when you were in trouble and could not depend on anyone else, maybe I might believe you. Maybe if I didn't value your opinion so much, the things you said would'nt hurt so bad. But maybe if I didn't already think those things about myself, it wouldn't hurt at all. Maybe if I wasn't so sensitive I could "just move forward."Maybe if we wanted the same things out of life...just maybe...Maybe you got tired of me being so confused about what I what I wanted...maybe you knew I didn't want you...maybe I did...maybe...Maybe I should move out of New Orleans, maybe I do need to explore new things...

Maybe not...

Maybe everything in my life is the way it should be and I am who I am because of it...Maybe I can be content with what is, rather than what could've been...Maybe...I'm happy...

Thoughts on the Louisiana Career Diploma...

The Louisiana legislature is continuing to move ahead legislation for a career diploma. A career diploma is an alternative diploma for poor performing high school students that have no intentions on going to college. The curriculum for this alternative diploma will be geared towards work force development instead of college preparedness. Poor performing students will be required to make this decision after their sophomore year. Representatives claim that the aforementioned diploma will decrease the state’s dropout rate by easing standardized test scores for the identified poor performing students that choose this alternative curriculum. Gov. Jindal has already his given support of this legislation and is expected to sign it.

This legislation is quite reminiscent of a famous debate in the late 1900’s between W.E.B. Du Bois and Booker T. Washington. The two opposing sides that stemmed from the debate were training in skills for African-Americans represented by Washington vs. well rounded college education including liberal arts represented by Du Bois.

Booker T. Washington’s philosophy came out of his “Atlanta Compromise” speech. In this speech, Washington suggested that African-Americans give up demands for social equality and civil rights in exchange for gaining economic respectability and independence via working for whites as farmers, domestic servants, manual laborers, etc… In his call for blacks to master a skill, Washington asked whites to provide skilled jobs for blacks in agricultural and mechanical fields. The historically black university, Tuskegee University, was born from this philosophy (as Booker T. Washington served as the first teacher at the university that has a primary focus on agricultural and mechanical educational training to date). Washington believed that obtaining a skill and finding work would be the best way for blacks to gain all the benefits of full citizenship.

In contrast, W.E.B. Du Bois believed that obtaining the following: a college education with liberal arts training, civil equality, and the right to vote were all pertinent to blacks gaining full citizenship. Du Bois believed that this type of liberal arts education (college training) was at the forefront of the pathway to black leadership. Du Bois believed that Washington’s philosophy of providing blacks with skill training perpetuated inferiority of the race.

In the spirit of that same debate over a century ago, The Louisiana Career Diploma legislation brings about quite similar opposing theories of how poor performing disadvantaged children should be educated. And just as the century old debate focused on the education of a particular marginalized group, the Louisiana Career Diploma is being cultivated to target a particular group of marginalized people which are minorities in poverty that are falling behind in high-school. Should their educational curriculum be aimed at skill/workforce development or should it be aimed at college preparedness.

A career diploma will place students that are lagging behind at a greater disadvantage. With the downturn of the economy, the competition to get a slice of the economic pie is growing. How can legislators determine the fate of a 16-year-old high school student’s future? Presenting a child with the option to pursuit a career diploma could stifle the growth our youth. It could also sharpen the disparities that already exist in educational and career opportunities for poor and minority populations. I believe that this legislation will continue to oppress poor and minority people by keeping the rich and powerful in power and the poor powerless. A career diploma closes off opportunities for minorities and poor children to gain access to the same resources (college) as their more affluent counterparts.

In conclusion, I believe that this is an offensive piece of legislation and I am saddened that it is receiving such an overwhelming amount of support from legislators. Perhaps if legislators invested that same amount of time into authoring legislation that aims to close performance gaps, Louisiana’s educational system could be an institution that fosters the cultivation of college bound youth.

Many years ago an African-American boy by the name of Calvin Mackie had very poor academic performance at a New Orleans high-school. Still he held on to his aspiration to become an engineer. Calvin went on to take remedial classes while enrolled at Morehouse College in Atlanta, GA (An institution where Martin Luther King was educated). Mackie pursued a dual degree program at Morehouse College and Georgia Tech. He went on to earn a bachelors degree in mechanical engineering and mathematics. Upon completion of his bachelor’s training, he went on to earn a masters degree in mechanical engineering and then a PhD. Dr. Mackie worked as an associate professor at Tulane University’s school of engineering for eleven years.

I wonder how many Calvin Mackie’s will never see their full potential because of the Louisiana Career Diploma.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

In Tangipahoa Parish, a white justice of the peace, Keith Bardwell, refused to marry a white woman to a black man. Bardwell stated that he does not marry interracial couples because of his concerns about their offspring. He claims that children that are the offspring of such a union suffer because they are not accepted by black or white society and he does not want to be a part of their suffering. To spite his actions, Bardwell maintains that he is not racist.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else." (Associated Press, October 16, 2009)

I find Bardwell’s position on the offspring of interracial couples particularly perplexing. The President of the United States of America is bi-racial. Oscar winning actress Halle Berry is bi-racial. Grammy award winning singer Alicia Keys is bi-racial. The aforementioned examples were a product of the union between a white mother and a black father. This is the exact union that Justice Bardwell is trying to ban due to the problems that the offspring will face. I wonder what President Obama, Halle Berry, and Alicia Keys would say to a decision that seeks to virtually ban their existence.

Bardwell says that in the past, he has always asked if couples are interracial, and if they are, he refuses to marry them. Bardwell has served as a justice of the peace for 34 years.
Laws that ban interracial marriages (miscegenation laws) were overturned 42 years ago. In 1967, the Supreme Court ruled to overturn these interracial marriage bans in the case of Loving vs. Virginia. In this case an African-American woman named Mildred Loving was married to a white man named Richard Loving. Because of the ban, they traveled outside their home state of Virginia to get married. Upon their return, they were arrested and practically exiled. The couple took their case to the Supreme Court in hopes to legally return to their rural hometown in Virginia and live happily ever after.

Ironically, Virginia was one of the first of two colonies to ban interracial marriages in the 1800’s. However, the removal of this ban, in the state of Virginia, in the year of 1967, served as a precedent for other states to follow.

So then, why is it that in 2009, a justice of the peace (who is an elected official by the way) is refusing to uphold the removal of this ban? He argues that he did not break the law by refusing to marry the couple. He claims to have recused himself from performing the marriage ceremony and went on to say that he referred the couple another judge that would perform the marriage ceremony.

The historical debate of interracial marriage is quite reminiscent of today’s debate of same sex marriage. I would argue that just as it was ruled unconstitutional to ban interracial marriage nearly 40 years ago, it should be unconstitutional to ban same sex marriage. The premise is the same for both situations. Homosexuals are discriminated against in the same manner that African-Americas are discriminated against in this country. The fight for gay rights has followed a path that is quite similar to the civil rights movement. There are a lot of parallels in the two struggles.

So this idea of banning two adults from being married whether the reason is that they are of two different races or of the same sex is a discriminatory practice, nonetheless. In both instances, persons having nothing to do with the relationship between the two people that are in love and wanting to get married are passing discriminatory judgments about whether or not the couple should have the legal right to be married. This phenomenon of passing judgments occurs too often in life, however, it becomes very problematic when the person passing the discriminatory judgment is a person in power.

In the case of Justice Bardwell, of Tangipahoa Parish, he had the power to perform the marriage ceremony and his refusal to do so was an act that impeded the marriage process of the interracial couple. I will not argue Bardwell maintaining the position that he is not racist. But I will argue that to spite his motives, his actions were racist. Justice Bardwell used his power to put his discriminatory ideas into action. The nation is in an uproar, as it should be. The internet is buzzing with talks of this small Louisianan Parish. Justice Bardwell even appeared on Good Morning America. In the spirit of this upheaval, I wonder if anyone ever considered the idea that our country is putting discriminatory ideas into action by not legally recognizing same sex marriage. Just wondering…

The need to belong...

Yesterday I spent some time reflecting on the idea of friendship circles. We all have them, however, my more organized and carved out friendship circle died an abrupt death a few years back. Not a big deal I thought, right? I mean I have tons of friends here and there and everywhere. But the interesting thing about that is when I'm having a shitty day or just want to go out and have some fun or even just need a quick favor I spend so much time trying to figure out who to call that most times I decide not to call anyone at all.

For example, a few years back I was stranded at work and I couldn't think of anyone to call. So I actually called RTA (Regional Transit Autho

rity of New Orleans) Ridline and got information on our local bus service. From there, I caught the damn bus home...Now why would I do that?!? I mean I could have called tons of people to pick me up from work and give me a ride home but I just kept feeling like I didn't want to bother anybody. So there's my burden when i need a favor...

And my burden when its time to get out the house...often times when I go to social functions I find myself feeling like I just don't quite belong...so alot of times I choose to just stay home.

And when I'm having one of those days...well I just think who wants to be bothered with that...so I sit at home and cry instead of bothering someone else with my issues...I mean they have their own problems, right?

So when and how did it get to this point??? Certainly it wasn't always this way.

There is a level of comfort and belongingness that all people find within their social circles. Often times within these social circles exist the people that make up your social support system. For some of us its either family or friends and for others of us (that are very fortunate) it is a combination of both. These circles consist of the people that give you the emotional and physical comfort that you need. Quite often, for women, this support system exists among your friends...

Now many years ago I had inarguably the best social support system among friends that one could ask for...I was truly blessed to have the the dream team when it came to my group of friends and we even had a relatively smooth transition from the "sisterhood of the traveling pants" friendship to the "Sex in the City" friendship. But somewhere along the way, this thing called life pushed us apart in the physical sense. But i will say to date I have one of the most emotionally sound friendship circles that one could ask for...I mean we're all there for each other on an emotional as needed basis...and that is where it counts most, right?

When I first noticed the distance in the physical sense, I told myself real friends don't have to talk to each other and be around each other all the time to maintain a friendship. Then it went from not talking "all the time" to only talking a few times a year...and not even hanging out once a year...And it happened within the blink of an eye...

Now I still maintain my views about not defining friendship through physical proximity and the frequency of phone conversations. But what I will say is that I'm coming to the realization that my lack of having that friendship circle/support system in the physical sense has taken its toll on me. Everybody needs someone to call up and say "Look i'm having a shitty day, let's go out to eat...or let's go grab drinks...or even someone to call on the phone and just cry b/c you're having a breakdown and you don't even know why. This is a major part of developing coping mechanisms throughout life's trials and tribulations. Your social support system can help you keep your self-esteem in tact when you're going through things like bad break-ups or maybe even the quarter-life crisis in which you are trying to figure out what to do with your life.

As I reflect on some of my most eldest social support systems, I have come to realize that my friendship with those girls helped me to get through so many of life's trials and tribulations. So of course I must tell the stories and shot out all my girls...

Here we go!

I first began to develop social support systems through friendships in elementary school...It all started with my cousin Lauren...We were inseperable...sleepovers every weekend...kite flying days...mardi gras parades...hay rides...haunted houses in city park...camping trips...dancing school at Syrell's...cabbage ball at Kenilworth Park...we had all the fun!

Then there was Me, Jade, and Miki...the dynamic trio! We shut Jean Gordon Elementary School down baby!!! We had a frikin blast...the plaza on weekends...cheering for Pontchartrain...pig-fest weekends where we loaded up on McKenzies pastries and snacks from K&B, sleepovers, the Super Fair...McMain dances...you name it!!!

Oh and I must add that Jade became my live in adopted sister...talk about inseperable...she moved in! lol!!!

Summers with DeLarge...we were the dynamic dou! Bio-Star, Chem-Star, Math-Star at Xavier...Jack-N-Jill Teen convention with Mad Dog (lmao)----we drove 'em insane...Jack-N-Jill, Jack-N-Jill, Gernon Brown baby!!!, dances, parties, trynna sneak out to go on "group dates" (lol), same schools from elementary to12th grade...too many memories to name...my partner-n-crime always!

And then my "sisterhood of the traveling pants was born"...It was 4 of us....me, mikeela, jessica, and keena...and we called ourselves WFC and if I told you what that stood for I'd have to kill ya! We had a blast!!! McMain Dances, 35 Dances, St. Aug dances, talents shows...events every weekend...sleepovers, WFC conferences and conventions (so funny), never a dull moment...we loved like sisters and boy did we fight like sisters! And yes we all fought!!! We had dance competitions between the twerkers and the pee-poppers (what ya'll know about that CHALLENGE)...bucked each other up 24-7...always thought all eyes were on us (especially at the dances)! We were some clueless lil' girls...lol! In our minds (our little bubble of a world) we were the stars of the show and everybody was watchin'! There was no depression or no long periods of sadness, we always pulled each other out of it real quick...lights out at your house and no food in your frig, you can come stay with me...you don't like the way you look and we're about to go out, somebody is gonna drag your ass out of it cause you were going...we rolled all 4 or none! And it wasn't that life was so simple back then, we just made it that way...Even as we got older we kept that same emotional connection...an unsaid promise to always be there and we always are!

The Palship....JUSTUS...me and Keena! enough said!

And then there was BYG...Me, Ari, Tam, and Keena...that was our McMain/Science & Math High-School crew...missing the school bus to Science & Math on purpose to cut class, lunch at Picadilly's, Sweet 16 party, prom junior and senior year, dances, parties, dressing alike, ridin' in the previa...oooh we all had beepers and thought that was shive(wtf, lmao!)...picture line at the dances...2-door cars senior year...Good Times, Great Girls!!!

Me and Mimi...Still inseperable to date! and way too many memories to name...but she would die if i didn't throw her in here...love ya chick! and just for you here we go: first night tipsy at the Red Room, weekends in ATL shawty, House of Blues Thursdays 2000-2004, camel boots with camel purses (lol), trynna holla at lame dudes for shits and giggles, downtown lunches in New Orleans, food & shopping...did i say food & shopping, Miami weekend quick trip, laugh together, cried together, friends for life!

Me, Miki, and Kayontae...DC3...to sum it up at 27 years old we all still get on 3-way to talk on the phone...yes 3-way still exists...lol! I frikin love these girls!!!!

And since then there have been close knit family like friendships...but more friendships on an individual level rather than a group. Shot out to Acey & Chandra Kerley to name a couple...but these people already had established their group...their home team of friends when we met...and at one time I had already established mine, I thought?

So after that long blast from the past...today i look up and wonder where my girls at? While I'm still very much connected to them in some way...in the physical sense, so much is missing...So I'm concluding that social circles that provide you with emotional support are the basis of a strong friendship but when that friendhip is absent in the physical sense it leaves one feeling lonley at times...and I dare say feeling out of place, almost like you don't belong because the people that made you feel like you belong aren't around...

Man, I miss my girls!

My Hair Story

So in honor of the opening weekend of Chis Rock's Good Hair documentary (to spite that I was unable to see it because it is not yet playing in New Orleans), I thought I would reflect on my own personal hair story.

So it all started with afro puffs...I believe I rocked this from birth to about 2. Then once it was time to start school I wore two braided ponytails. My mother has an obsession with smooth, straight roots and i did not have a perm, so in order to achieve the look she desired, she blow dried my hair straight every morning and then braided my two ponytails. My hair was super thick and my mom developed a condition called water on the wrist, just from styling my hair each morning. To spite her condition brought on by all my thick ass hair, we held on to the natural hair and toughed it out without a perm.

As I got oler I became obsessed with my hair. I was never pleased with the way it looked, no style was ever perfect enough. My mom became frustrated with me and so at the tender age of 8, I took over combing my own hair. What kind of 8 year old combs there own hair??? Dee Wright baby...

I managed to damage it pretty badly in the 5th grade...by the 6th grade I had figured out how to die my entire head honey golden brown by emptying a bottle of sun in in my entire head and spending the day in a chlorine filled pool. So by the time I started middle school I was damn near a blonde!

In the 7th grade I said good-bye to pressing combs and started getting perms.

I started high school with a hideous ass haircut where the front of my hair was cut short and the back was long. I spent what seemed like forever trying to grow that cut out.

By my sweet 16 I was rocking a hairstyle inspred by Monica on the "Boy is Mine" video in which she wore half her hair up in a ponytail adorned with chopsticks and the other half down...I wore it super straight with bangs. That became my signature look. I had over 50 pairs of chopsticks in every color for every occassion.

Well by 17, I had a hair tragedy in which my stylist did not thoroughly rinse all the perm out of the back of my hair. When I went to wash my own hair the next week it started coming out in handfulls.

I was devastated! I spent atleast a year crying over it. I ended up having to get my hair cut into a bob. I thought it was so ugly and so in turn I thought I was so ugly. In attempt to compensate for the perceived ugliness, I developed an addiction to color.

I started dying my hair every color under the sun from red to blonde with black and brown in between. Then I discovered extensions...extensions were a never ending cycle for me...get them in...take them out...get them in again...snatch them back out...never satisfied...

Then I went through a cutting phase...I was cutting my hair every two weeks...

By the time I turned 23, I looked up and my hair was saying fuck you Danielle (and rightfully so). I took sometime to self-reflect...All those years I hadn't been happy with the way that I looked and I was taking it out on my hair. Whenever something went wrong in my life I chopped it off, added extensions, or colored it. I had to force myself to separate my own personal issues with my physical appearance from what was actually staring back at me in the mirror.

I decided that I was no longer going to use my hair as a crutch to feel better about my physical appearance...I was going to learn to like the way I looked with my hair in its natural color, texture, the whole nine...

So about 4 years ago, I grew out the perm and the color. It was hard...I mean I hated the way I looked most times. Of course, I still flat ironed my hair straight....but it was so thick! And in the New Orleans humidity it would frizz up sooooo easily. And my natural hair color that I hadn't seen since the 6th grade was atrocious to me.

Then one day I just said fuck it...this is me and I'm gonna learn to like it! So I just decided that thick frizzy dark brown hair was cute and I been rockin' it ever since. I don't worry about my hair frizzing up, I just grab a ponytail holder or just wear big hair. I've succombed to the urge of extensions only a few times...always ripping them out within a week or two of getting them. I've learned to like my hair exactly as it is...and when I don't like the way I look I challenge myself to investigate the underlying persisting cause of my discontentment instead of trying to take it out on my hair.

I no longer define the way I look by my hair. Now don't get me wrong I damn sure think my hair can help me to enhance a look. However, I don't think it'll help me to view myself in a more positive way.

Opposite my girl India, I am definately my hair! The cycle of changes that i have endured via my hair is the perfect reflection of my evolution as a person!

what good are intentions???

I was inspired to write this blog because not so long ago and throughout the course of my life I find myself constantly being hurt by someone who excuses their actions with "my intentions were never to hurt you." Well, you did hurt me, so what good were your intentions? In fact where were your intentions when you did what you did???

And as a result...

I've been reflecting on not just my own encounters with intentions but infamous encounters that most people are familiar with. So let's take a short time to reflect on some of history's examples of intentions that were not followed up by actions that were in line with those intentions...

During biblical times, there existed intentions...David did not intend to betray Uriah while Uriah was at war fighting for him...however, he still slept with Uriah's wife Bathsheba...and in this case, David's intentions held no value because his actions betrayed Uriah...

The Danziger 7 did not intend to kill 2 people when they rang shots across the Danziger bridge during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina...but two people are dead...two lives are lost...and the Danziger 7 are still here reporting to work as New Orleans Police Department Officers?!? R.I.P Ronald Madison and James Bisette...Intentions?????

In 1995, Bill Clinton did not intend to betray his wife by having an affair with a 21-year old unpaid white house intern named Monica Lewinsky...but he did! And although I do not agree with his personal life having been publicly scruitinized nor do I believe that his affair should have been brought to the grand jury (I mean let's reflect on how many past presidents cheated on their wives and were never forced to undergo such scruitiny)...However, I do believe that this was a humiliating and excruciatingly hurtful situation for Hillary to be subjected to and to spite the fact that none of these consequences were his intentions...his actions were no good

Jayson Blair did not intend to decieve readers by playgiarizing and fabricating elements of his stories in the New York Times...but he did! In this case we have a perfectly talented journalist writing for the New York Times with no logical reason at all to playgiarize...and to spite his intentions he still decieved readers...

Don Imus did not intend to demean the Rutger's Women's Basketball team by describing the members of the team as "nappy headed whores"...but he did! Good intentions will not take away the anger, outrage, and pain brought on by this both racist and sexist comment. And to add insult to injury, Don Imus returned to the radio waves just 8 months later sending the message that this type of behavior is acceptable.

Drunk drivers do not intend to kill people; but in 2007 alone, nearly 13,000 people were killed in alchohol related crashes. Good intentions will not bring these people back to life!

Quite often in life we all have good intentions and do not follow them up with good actions. Perhaps our stories are not as extreme as the aforementioned isolated incidents, however we can learn from these situations and be more careful to follow up good intentions with good actions! I believe that this is a pertinent part of maturation into adulthood. Let us all grow up and stop using our intentions as an excuse to do whatever the hell we want.

So I must ask, what good are intentions?