Growing Pains

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God...And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So many times in life I find myself worrying...all day long and all night long about things that I have absolutely no control over. So much so that I am a self-diagnosed insomniac...In fact I've gone days without any sleep...just laying awake at night worrying. And although God has, does, and will make a way, I can't seem to stop this worrying.

Life is so funny because I can remember being so depressed over relationships that ended and I look back at those situations and thank God for taking these people out of my life. I couldn't see it then, but hindsight is 20/20. You can't be afraid to let go of people and situations that aren't meant to be...holding on to all that dead weight blocks you from the blessings that you are destined to recieve.

When I was younger I never dreamed that throughout life I would be forced to face so many seemingly insurmountable obstacles. And although these obstacles are just moments in time that don't last forever...they are still moments, they still last, it still hurts, and its still very difficult to overcome.

And I still worry...I worry about the many uncertainties of my future that I face everyday, I worry for my sister, for my parents, for my cousins, for my family, for my friends...I worry about countless disapointments from past relationships and allow them to affect my current and future situations...And I wonder why people do the things they do and even with the low expectations that I have of these people I wonder why or how i even feel disapointed by their actions and then I wonder why it hurts so damn bad every time...

I think about this alot and I have decided that this is life. Its normal interactions with people, family, relationships. Life is just hard. But the point of it all is to overcome these challenges and gain wisdom fom every situation. So my goal for this year is to make every difficult situation count...to walk away from each situation with some very valuable lesson...to not just learn from my mistake but to take away from each situation the wisdom that God wants to instill in me through these obstacles, these challenges, these trials and tribulations...these disapointments.

Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around!

Single, not dating and not actively looking either...

So I'm single...been that way since a tragic break up in '07. But here's the thing, that doesn't mean I need you to try to hook me up with any and everything thats available and possibly interested. And that doesn't mean that I have to give everyone a chance, just like I don't expect everyone to give me a chance. No, I'm not going to try something to see if someone will grow on me and I don't want anyone to do that for me either. Let me figure out what I want and who I'm interested in without your assistance.

For example, please don't send your friend in the baby blue seersucker suit to come try to get my number. I don't care if he's a doctor. No thanks. I'm actually kinda feeling the dude that works at subway, he always makes my sandwiches perfectly!

And no I don't want to be hooked up with your best friend. I'm sure he's nice I believe you. My best friend is nice too!

And mom, please stop trying to hook me up with people that remind you of my dad. I love my dad but I don't want to be set up with a younger version of him.

I realize that I'll be making 27 this year and have no possible prospects to even begin thinking about marriage and a family. And I do want those things for myself. I mean everybody around me is getting married and starting families. But when the time is right, I believe that I will have my chance. In the meantime, I don't want to rush or force anything....I just want it to happen naturally.

So no, I won't be sharing 1 guy with the other 5-10 females he's dealing with. I don't think any man is worth that and I'm not participating in that foolishness. I think its just nasty! No, I don't think it's tight that you have a job....i think you're supposed to because you're a grown ass man. So no that doesn't impress or excite me.

Rather, I think its imporatant to see the potential in a prospect, where they're going in life, and possibly where the two of you can go together. I'm really not sizing up what you have today, because all that can be gone tomorrow. Look at the economy, people are losing jobs everyday.

And furthermore, please stay away from me if you have a girlfriend. I'm not getting involved in that. I want no parts of it....and you expressing that you feel a certain way about me won't change that. It doesn't make me feel special. It just makes you look even more like the scum of the fucking earth! How about that....

And no I don't feel flattered when you try to get at me....i'm single not depserate...It doesn't make my day when you try to move our "just friends" status to the next level. We're friends so I already know how much of an ass you are and how serious you are not and I just feel insulted by your actions...i mean do you really think i'm that fuckin' stupid!

And since I don't want to subject myself to your bullshit doesn't mean you have to stop speaking to me...But I guess that means we were never REALLY friends in the first place, huh? Get over yourself, I didn't reject you, I just see you for who you have shown me you really are. I mean maybe if your actions showed me differently, I might actually consider taking you seriously.

And finally me being single does not mean I am available to answer your phone calls and hang out whenever you feel like it. I am not available 24 hrs. a day....Call me at a decent hour if you want to talk...stop interupting my sleep! I have work in the morning....I do have some sort of life and it does not revolve around you and meeting your needs. Stop assuming that because I don't have a man, "Oh call Dee if you need something, she ain't doing shit." NOOOOOOOOOOO! Please can I breathe, can I live?

I'm single....And i'm not miserable! I'm cool with it...companionship is nice and trust me I do get lonely at times. But I won't be rushed or forced into anything...And I don't need help, I'm not on a lifelong quest to find a man. And while i'm not knocking those that are....that's just not my thing...So please, stop trying to hook me up...I got this....And when I decide that I want your help, I will definitely let you know...

Until then, just accept the fact that I am single and I don't want to be placed on the meat market!