So most people are familiar with the infamous scene in Tyler Perry's movie "Why did I get Married" when the guys are all discussing a man's desire to cheat on the woman that is his 80% with the woman that is his 20%. Well, you can imagine my shock and awe just last week when a friend of mine revealed to me and another friend that she felt like she had always been someone's 20% and had never experienced being someone's 80%. This made me really upset. How could she think that? Who had made her feel that way? And why did someone make her feel that way? Imagine going through 26 years of life never feeling like you had ever been your object of affection's top priority. Then I began reflecting on my own past relationships and the role that the men from my past had played in my life and continue to play in my life today. And what's interesting is that I discovered a pattern... They all pop in and out of my life at their leisure and convenience. They call when they want to at whatever time they so please, they all drop by whenever they want to, spend quality time with me whenever they want to, and they also conveniently cut off communication whenever they want to...I got to thinking I don't know what's worse, to feel special temporarily and then have it taken away from you just out of the blue with no warning or to never feel special at all. And I came to the conclusion that they are one in the same. How special can I be if you pop in and out of my life? If I were or am special to you then I would have a consistent and/or steady relationship with you, which is something that I have never experienced with anybody. One thing is for sure, all the men in my life follow the same pattern of inconsistency so I am well aware that there is something about me that causes this to occur, I just can't figure out what it is. But it's getting old. I'm so tired of never being able to take anybody seriously and always having it in the back of my mind that the situation is temporary so that I can protect my heart from being broken all over again. For once, I would like to feel free to embrace the feelings that I have for someone and just go with the flow. But instead I'm weighed down by the inconsistencies of men that view me as someone that they just blow off cause they think i'll always be around just waiting and never moving on. And it's not that I'm letting what they think define what I feel about my own worth...but the reality is that I am always there and I don't ever have anyone special...i'm always available and ready to entertain the bullshit until they find what they are really looking for with someone else....until they find their special someone...but I have to wonder, while I'm being used as the intermittent person until they find what they are looking for, when will I find what I'm looking for or better yet find someone that is looking for me? Isn't that what every girl wants...to feel like there is at least one person that God has put on this Earth especially for them...at least one person that feels that you are the woman of their dreams...the woman that they look at and think "What more could a man want?" I mean with all the people in this world, there has to be somebody that will one day feel that way about me...Right?
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There are simple answers to your questions, but with difficult executions. If you feel that the men in your life pick you up and down at their leisure and/or none of them make you feel that you are the woman of their dreams, put an end to the "yo-yo game." If you feel that you have not had a truly special relationship in your life, have one. As I stated earlier, the answers are simple, but the executions are difficult. To end the yo-yo game, you should first tell those guys in your life that you are currently playing "the game" with, GAME OVER. In addition, you may want to inform them that you are taking some time to get to know yourself and explore the many dynamics of your womanness. They do not have to understand!! In order to truly understand who you are as a person, you must draw closer and closer to God. This can be done by getting into His word, joining ministries, and developing and enhancing that spiritual being inside of you. As you truly get to know yourself, God will show you the dimensions of your other half. He will show you not just what you want in a man, but what you need. Remember, He knows us better than we know ourselves. Therefore, pray for wisdom, ask God to send you the man He believes you should be with, and ask that He helps you receive that mate. As you get to know the dynamics of your inner-self, through wisdom, God will reveal to you the type of man you want and need. By trusting God, what you need will be transformed into what you want. Once you know what you need and therefore want, do not settle for anything else. If you have a feeling that one of the men in your life may be the one, make him make a decision. Allow him to miss you so that he can come correct or not at all. Regardless of what they say, men respect when a woman demands the best from them because she pulls out their best and will not allow them to be second-rate. They are drawn to these women and those are the women that exude the type of confidence that men cannot get enough of. In the eyes of men, those are the women whose wells never run dry. She puts a man on his "A-game," which is the only game you should want to play. To conclude, do not settle for anything less than a man's "Dream Girl." I speak only what I know and not what I heard.
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