When I was a little girl I wanted to be just like my cousin April. I thought she was the coolest!!! I modeled my cultivation into womanhood around my lovely cuz April Davis. In 1994, she introduced me to Guess Jeans and wearing my hair styled in a high ponytail with bangs across my forehead. In 1995 she taught me how to tuck my tommy hilfiger shirt into my skin tight jeans and to pull all my hair back into a nice sleek bun. In 1997, she told me to wear my hair down and to wrap it at night to keep it silky. I thought April new all there was to know in life! Then one day I asked her what I should do about a certain situation and she looked at me and said, "I'm not telling you because it's not about what other people think, it's about what you think." And just like that, I was forced to figure out what I liked and what I thought. Pretty tough to do as a freshman in high school, but I've been doing it ever since!
Today, at 25 years old, I'm still trying to figure out what I like and what I think. We grow up resenting parents, authority figures, and family members that firmly guide our decision making skills. But today, what I wouldn't give to have someone tell me what to do next. After high-school I knew I was supposed to go to college. After college, I knew I was supposed to work or go to graduate school. I did both, now what am I supposed to do next? With a bachelors degree from Spelman College, a masters degree from Tulane University, and a few years of professional experience, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I would love to call up my cousin April and ask her to magically give me the answer just like she used to when we were kids. I wish the answer were as simple as a pair of Guess Jeans.
As I continue to chart my course towards a more purpose driven grown-up life, I reflect on what April told me nearly 11 years ago; "It's not about what other people think, it's about what you think." Am I so concerned with fulfilling others expectations of what I should be that I have lost sight of my very own expectations for myself? Exploring one's own expectations requires deep contemplation, because in the end you want to feel like you made the most out of your life's experiences and you want all your efforts to have mattered. I want so much out of my adult life. I want a meaningful job that I wake up in the morning excited about. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to serve my community. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. I want to be a devoted family member and friend. I want to be socially connected. I want it all. But right now, I just want a new pair of Guess Jeans!
Today, at 25 years old, I'm still trying to figure out what I like and what I think. We grow up resenting parents, authority figures, and family members that firmly guide our decision making skills. But today, what I wouldn't give to have someone tell me what to do next. After high-school I knew I was supposed to go to college. After college, I knew I was supposed to work or go to graduate school. I did both, now what am I supposed to do next? With a bachelors degree from Spelman College, a masters degree from Tulane University, and a few years of professional experience, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I would love to call up my cousin April and ask her to magically give me the answer just like she used to when we were kids. I wish the answer were as simple as a pair of Guess Jeans.
As I continue to chart my course towards a more purpose driven grown-up life, I reflect on what April told me nearly 11 years ago; "It's not about what other people think, it's about what you think." Am I so concerned with fulfilling others expectations of what I should be that I have lost sight of my very own expectations for myself? Exploring one's own expectations requires deep contemplation, because in the end you want to feel like you made the most out of your life's experiences and you want all your efforts to have mattered. I want so much out of my adult life. I want a meaningful job that I wake up in the morning excited about. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to serve my community. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. I want to be a devoted family member and friend. I want to be socially connected. I want it all. But right now, I just want a new pair of Guess Jeans!
No comments:
Post a Comment